DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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