I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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