3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
