When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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