If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Randomize
