Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize