it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
