i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
