she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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