she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
