so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
