It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
