I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
