I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
