theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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