dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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