Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
