Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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