She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
