Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
