capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
