He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
