thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
