i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
