yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
