The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
