don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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