I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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