If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
