i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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