I smell stomach acid.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
