Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
