First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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