I'm laying in your front yard are you home
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
