jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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