mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
