dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
