I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I could fuck to npr.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
