i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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