My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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