oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
