i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
