I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
