Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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