is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
