I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
