It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
