My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
