So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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