it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
