I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
