I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
