he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
