I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
