You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
