I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize