Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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