yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
