You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
