I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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