Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's shark week go big or go home
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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