the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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