So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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