marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
