He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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