i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
