We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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