Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
