um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
