I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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