hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
