Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
