so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i came on her dog
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize