It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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