I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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