I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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