i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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