Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Vodka?
Forever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
